


Love your enemy

by Nara_stories



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Multi, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 05:12:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16257347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nara_stories/pseuds/Nara_stories
Summary: If Jamie asked me I could have told him how useless and unnecessary it was to try and break off all connection with John in a letter. [...]But Jamie didn’t ask me, so I doubtfully watched the ceremonial process. He used Brianna’s special paper with tiny rose petals pressed into it, he formed the letters carefully with the stiff fingers of his right hand and I wondered how he could have ever convinced anyone that he did not care for the man.





	Love your enemy

**Author's Note:**

> Based on that scene in the Echo in the Bone where Jamie writes a letter to John. I always thought it was such a dickish move :"D Btw, this is shameless fluff, you can read it as totally platonic Jamie & Claire & John, or Jamie/Claire/John ;)

If Jamie asked me I could have told him how useless and unnecessary it was to try and break off all connection with John in a letter.

He immediately rejected even the idea that we could convince a man from a British noble family, a passionate soldier, about the justice of the American independence. It didn’t matter that John knew the truth about my time-travelling, since he didn’t actually believe it for a second, so we couldn’t even argue with the sure victory of the cause.  
After thinking it through Jamie decided with his Scottish pig-headedness that for the sake of his friend there could not be any traceable connection between them.

This marvellous line of though only missed one tiny component: the fact that John was in love with him. Not as if Jamie didn’t know that, but it made him terribly uncomfortable – out of understandable reasons –, so he simply choose to ignore this.

I repeat, I think it was a futile effort. Not to mention that he definitely broke John’s heart in the process, which even I had to reluctantly admit, he didn’t deserve.

But Jamie didn’t ask me, so I doubtfully watched the ceremonial process. He used Brianna’s special paper with tiny rose petals pressed into it, he formed the letters carefully with the stiff fingers of his right hand and I wondered how he could have ever convinced anyone that he did not care for the man.

After this I was not surprised at all when a few weeks later John arrived to us in person. The ocean might have kept him away, but now that he lived in Virginia even the winter weather was not enough to stop him.

In the usual chaos of hospitality he didn’t have time to address the issue at once, but I saw it on his face how much he wanted to – even behind his spotless mask of politeness. I rather didn’t want to examine it too closely, exactly when I got to know him so well.  
By the time everyone expressed their joy over the arrival of the visitors, it became clear to me that the weather wore down both travellers. Bobby still held himself together, the he did wipe his red nose frequently in the warmth of the cabin, but overall he seemed cheery and full of energy.  
John on the other hand... His nose was red as well, and his face seemed unhealthily pale in comparison, except from the two pink patches on his cheeks. He always blushed so easily, but right now no one said anything – yet – that would have caused him to. His light blue eyes were shiny from fever, his breath came struggling, and I knew instantly that he caught a bad cold.

I managed to convince Mrs. Bug that we need hot, vegetable soup here and not some heavy, fatty stew. Naturally she argued, but after my rant which I heavily embellished with some medical expressions she gave in, and grumblingly started to slice carrots. I knew that she will smuggle in a few of those wild ducks Brianna shot yesterday anyways.

After this I turned my attention towards the company that already comfortably sat around the table. I temporarily took the glass of whiskey from John so that I can switch it to a cup filled with a brew that – hopefully – contained some penicillin. I always tried to grow some, exactly because of these unexpected situations and slowly the other habitants of the house got used to the mouldy food-scraps on the table of my study. 

His Lordship sniffed at the cup and then frowned very elegantly.  
“There is really no need for this, my dear” he protested politely. “I assure you I’m quite fine. I might have caught a bit of a cold during the journey, but it’s nothing some rest and warm food couldn’t cure.”  
I held his gaze without blinking, upon which he cleared his throat and slightly pulled his neck in.  
“I’m still the doctor here” I said coldly. “Yes, a bit of rest will probably cure you, but I don’t want the infection to go on your lungs, that is the last thing we need. Drink that” I pushed the cup closer to him.

When he still didn’t reach for it, I switched strategy.  
“Jamie!” I called out, and was satisfied to watch John’s reaction. “Can you please help me a bit? We need to make Lord John drink his medicine.”

John’s eyes went round and his gaze flicked to Jamie who already started to rise from his seat. Then he grasped the cup and tipped back its content. He frowned, but swallowed it and flashed a heroic – even if not too honest – smile towards us.  
I graciously gave the whisky back to him, and then turned away with a satisfied smile to go and help with dinner, before Mrs. Bug changed her mind and cooked half a pig into the soup as well.

***

Jamie was sitting next to his unexpected visitor on the bench by the table, leaning his back comfortably against the wall. He watched his family and all the people under his protection and felt satisfied. His belly was full and he was able to provide the same for them, they had roof over their heads and a fire to keep them warm. On the opposite side of the table Claire was talking with their daughter, sending him a private smile now and then. Jamie was still mesmerized by Brianna’s features that were so similar to his, her auburn hair and dark blue Fraser-eyes. And he was even more pleased to find all the small things she inherited from her mother. Next to them Roger was holding Jemmy in his arms while he was absorbed in conversation with Bobby.

The whole scene was so happy and domestic, he would have felt perfectly happy, if he was able to ignore the man sitting next to him and the guilty clenching of his stomach. He pushed the feeling away, so that maybe this time he manages to convince himself that it was unfounded. His primary obligation was to protect his family, and if he had to become a rebel for it once again he was ready to do it in a blink of an eye. John would have never understood anyways.

“Why?” asked the man on his right quietly as if he was able to read his mind. It made Jamie extremely self-conscious how much he was attuned to him. But there was no accusation in John’s voice so he considered the question in earnest.  
“Because I want to keep my family safe.” he answered simply, without looking at the other.  
John snorted.  
“And you want to accomplish this by joining a short-lived uprising, breaking your oath?”  
Jamie gave him a sharp look this time.  
“You know as well as I do that it was a forced oath.” he answered with an edge to his voice.  
John pressed his lips tightly together, but didn’t object.  
“And it is not going to be short-lived.” he added after a while. “I’m convinced in its victory.”

His bad conscience came back sneakily. He knew well that the rebels will win, and that the British troops will lose this time. Yet, he didn’t even seriously consider telling about this to the man. Aggravated he waved the feeling away again. John wouldn’t have believed him anyways.  
John made a disbelieving sound indeed.  
“Exactly how...?” He noticed his involuntarily cast glance towards Claire. “Never mind, I rather don’t want to know.” He blew his nose. Even that sounded resigned.

Jamie felt his temper rising.  
“Does it matter? We were standing on opposite sides so far as well. It’ll continue to be like this, just put up with it already.”

He wasn’t prepared to see the pain flashing across John’s face. Maybe the journey and the cold took up all his energy, maybe he just gave up on trying to hide his feelings from him altogether. Damn the man. He was even less prepared to feel something painfully contract in his chest.  
John turned away and drank a bit more whisky.

For a long time none of them spoke. Jamie saw Claire shooting concerned glances towards them. Amongst all the noise he was sure no one heard their words, but their posture probably gave them away.

It was John who finally broke the silence.  
“I don’t regret coming here.” He cleared his throat. Jamie didn’t need Claire’s medical knowledge to notice how unwell he was. He felt an urge to go and get one more cup of his wife’s concoction and pour it down his throat.  
“I think I just needed to hear it face-to-face, you know?” John explained. He sounded tired.

The chatter all around them filled the silence between them, but Jamie felt like it became unbearably long anyways.

“If I had a choice I wouldn’t have planned it like this” he offered finally. “If it matters anything.”

John smiled weakly.  
“Of course it matters.”

Jamie considered the conversation finished. He took a long draught of his beer and joined the talking around the table again. John remain completely silent beside him, but he thought it was because of his tiredness, so he didn’t force to include him in the conversation, just left him alone with his thoughts.  
Around half an hour have passed when he felt something gently hit his shoulder. He flinched and turned his head to the side. John’s eyes were closed, his fever-flushed face relaxed. His head dropped back against the wall and he was snoring softly. Somewhere in the last few minutes he started to slide to the left, until his shoulder hit Jamie’s.

Jamie couldn’t help the involuntary smile that formed on his lips. At first he thought about waking him and asking Claire where she was planning to provide quarters for the guests, but then he decided it can wait. The conversation started to come to a natural end, and he thought it won’t take long until everyone wanted to go home. He shifted so that he can support the man’s weight more comfortably, and turned his gaze back towards the table.

***

It was getting pretty late when finally everyone started to go home. We found a place for Bobby in the hut of the Bugs at the end. We planned to make John a sleeping place in the big house, so that he was more comfortable. Now I only needed to figure out where the man was, because he seemed to have mysteriously vanished. And thinking about it, I haven’t seen Jamie in a while either.

I stepped back to the room and looked over the homely chaos that dinner had left behind. The fire started to burn low, and in the dim light it took me a while to discover amongst the shadows lurking on the edges of the room the two men I was looking for. But firelight lit up Jamie’s bright hair and then his eyes found mine. I stepped closer and finally made sense of what I was seeing.

Because John’s head was resting on Jamie’s shoulder and judging from his even breathing he was deeply asleep. I almost laughed, but then I saw Jamie’s face.  
He had the most peculiar expression on it, somewhere between dumbfounded and heartbreakingly gentle. I could only describe it like when he was holding a newborn in his palm, or Adso as a kitten, before he got so cheeky. When an innocent, fragile being completely seemed to trust him, and he wondered why, because so much blood has been shed with those very same hands he was holding it so tenderly now.  
Well, John was neither innocent, nor fragile, I thought, but maybe he had to put up with Jamie’s temper more often than most, so I didn’t make any comment about it.

Jamie carefully shrugged with his free shoulder.  
“I couldn’t bring myself to wake him up.” He sent another surprised look towards his friend. “Do you think he will be alright?”  
I sat down on the bench and gently placed my hand on his forehead. His skin was hot, but he was breathing easily. I checked his pulse which was reassuringly even.  
I actually regarded his fatigue as a good sign. When the body took away the energy from the muscles, and with that it forced it’s stubborn owner to rest, it was usually because it turned all that energy inwards towards healing.  
I smiled at Jamie and stroked his arm.  
“Of course. He just needs to rest a lot. He should be kept warm during the night.” I furrowed my brows. I was planning on making him a makeshift bed here in the main room, since there were not many options, but the cold seeping through the walls already started to overpower the warmth of the fire, and it might not been the best idea. At the same time we were severely short on beds and I wasn’t in the mood of sleeping on the floor either.

As always Jamie could perfectly read my thoughts off my face. His lips twisted into a lopsided smile, like he was finding something very funny.  
“Well, ye ken... I think all three of us would fit in our bed. The wee pervert is too tired to try anything anyways.” He added whispering.

I considered the situation. I didn’t think John’s cold would be contagious. And there was something in the way he was sleeping defencelessly on my husband’s shoulder that I just couldn’t bring myself to say no.  
I sighed.  
“Can you somehow carry him up?”

Jamie slid his hand under John’s knees and easily picked him up, flaunting his strength with a confident smile. I rolled my eyes playfully and after checking on the hearth I headed towards the bedroom.

I couldn’t say that my own relationship with John was less complicated than Jamie’s. I remembered that night, on the foreign ship struck by epidemic, when I couldn’t sleep and tried to clear my head by standing on the deck, leaning my tired body to the railing, looking out to the black sea, and being surprised that the new governor of Jamaica joined me. Then and there he was no more than an educated, kind British noble inclined to some philosophical thoughts.  
Neither one of us realized who the other was.

If it wasn’t how we met for the second time, I would have grown to hate him, I think. But on that starry-skied night we started talking across the loud rumbling of the sea and I felt our souls unguardedly touch each other for a brief moment. I was unable to feel truly hostile towards him.

Even the irrational jealousy was not enough, that I felt because he was with Jamie for all those long years that I couldn’t.

I waved the thought aside. Since then there were many years where I was with Jamie and John wasn’t, and besides, John’s attraction only ever manifested in that he was always trying to protect Jamie, even if Jamie was protesting by the skin of his teeth, and probably never even thought about acknowledging it, or god forbid thanking it.

Naturally it was hard to carry someone up two sets of stairs without him noticing it, so by the time we set foot to the bedroom, John was slowly waking. He blinked and looked around confusedly and when he realized that Jamie was holding him, his face turned completely red.  
“What... how?” he creaked out while Jamie put him down in the middle of the bed. “I won’t take away your bed, don’t even think about it!” he found his voice finally.

I was tending to the fire, but I glanced at him over my shoulder.  
“Don’t worry, we are planning on sleeping in it as well.”

He looked even more shocked at that. Struggling, he lifted himself up on one elbow, his gaze was flicking between Jamie and me.  
“Nonsense!”  
Jamie stepped to the bed, put his palm on his chest and pushed him back. John wasn’t in his best shape, so it didn’t take a lot of strength.  
“The doctor says we need to keep you warm. Dinna argue.”

“I assure you, I’m feeling already quite fine...” John sat up again. There was a mischievous glint in Jamie’s dark blue eyes, which made him look like a large, red cat that just discovered how to play with the food. John almost couldn’t to keep himself upright, he was so tired, and Jamie pushed him back with visible pleasure. Before he could sit up again he pulled of one of his boots, sending him flat again.  
“You can’t seriously want to sleep with me in the same bed!” John accused, losing his patience, persistently rising to his elbows again. Jamie shrugged.  
“I want to sleep in my bed. I also want you to sleep in a comfortable bed. And if it causes us to sleep in the same bed, I think I can handle it” he said and then pushed his friend back amongst the pillows with a sweet smile.

I hid my own smile and started getting ready for bed myself, stripped to my shift, and briefly combed through my unruly locks. Meanwhile Jamie took the pants off of the violently blushing John, with a lot more pleasure than I would have guessed. And then after stripping to a shirt himself, the climbed into the bed, effectively cutting off all further protest.

John swallowed, and then exhaled audibly. Judging from his state, I thought he will likely fall asleep again very soon awkwardness of the situation notwithstanding. He must have realized this as well, because he shifted heavy-limbed, making himself comfortable. At the end he was trying so hard not to touch Jamie while he was pulling the quilt from under himself, that amongst all his efforts he toppled straight into his arms.

He went amusingly still, and before he could do anything, Jamie put his arm across him, keeping him in place.  
“Dinna wiggle so much, man” he scolded him lightly, but there was suppressed laughter in his voice.

“Yes, stay” I confirmed while carrying the candle to the nightstand. “He has a very comfortable shoulder, I say that from experience” I winked to Jamie.

“One of them is still free, Sassenach” he answered, blinking pointedly instead of a wink. I shook my head and then climbed into bed on the opposite side of John.  
“I think I will use John as a pillow” I joked. “I mean if His Lordship doesn’t mind.”  
John raised his head and shot a glance towards me that clearly conveyed that he regarded me as an accomplice in the assault on his confidence. Then he sighed and his face relaxed.  
“It would be my honour” he answered with the same jokingly excessive politeness, and then let his head fall back, and hid his face in Jamie’s shoulder again. Finally he gave up all protest, and I saw how his muscles pleasantly relaxed. I was surprised to find that I didn’t mind it at all.

I blew out the candle, rolled onto my side, and indeed cuddled close to my patient. It was strange not to feel Jamie’s robust muscles, but John’s wiry slenderness. Strange, but not unpleasant. A fair lock of hair flashed up in the dim light cast by the glowing embers in the fireplace, as it floated up and down before John’s nose, tickling his face. A sudden urge made me reach out and gently tuck it behind his ear. I lied back satisfied. John’s body relaxed further if it was even possible.  
I thought, maybe it will do all three of us good if we stop to act as if we didn’t care for each other.

In the dim light I could hardly make out the slight smile playing on Jamie’s lips. I placed my hand on his that was laying on John’s ribcage, and he laced our fingers together, closing the man between us into our joint embrace. John’s face was hidden in Jamie’s neck, so I watched Jamie’s. The same strange expression flashed across it again. This time I thought there was a pinch of fear in it as well.  
I was aware how hard it was for him to let a man close, who was openly attracted to him. Close in terms of physically, but also mentally.  
“Do you think...?” he started whispering, but like so often on the brink of sleep he let the thought slip away and reached for another. “I never thought I would let him have this.” He swallowed. “Do you think it’s alright as well?”

I stroked his arm to comfort him.  
“Jamie, you know that love doesn’t run out, just because you give it to one more person, right?”  
He didn’t answer, but his muscles relaxed.

Tomorrow we needed to face our decisions again, and deal with where they put us in the approaching war. But today we could forget about this for a little while. I myself relaxed as well, in the comfortable warmth under the quilts, and I put my head down to sleep next to my husband, and my patient peacefully slumbering in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> English is still not my first language.


End file.
